Barney Frankl

Barney, My Love's brother, died last Monday, August 15, after more than a year of fighting cancer.  His funeral, which was celebrated last Friday, August 19, was a wonderful testimony to his generous and loving life.  It was my great privilege to share the following reflections about Barney during the funeral liturgy.

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Bernard Urban Frankl.  Barney.  Young Barney or Little Barney to distinguish him from Big Barney, his Uncle.  Ringman.  Ringman Barn.

He went by many different handles throughout his life.  What words or names do you think of when you think of Barney?  When I ponder about him and his life, I come up with two words:  Grateful Connector. 

Barney focused his energies on connecting with people no matter where he was.  He would call all of us on our birthdays or anniversaries.  When he was driving his truck across the country, if he knew of a high school classmate living in a certain locale that he was passing through, he would call them up to connect with them, even if he hadn't talked with them for thirty or forty years.  He connected with distant relatives in Virginia, in California, in Texas, in New York.  No one was a stranger, only a new friend with whom he could connect.

We've all heard the story of the woman whom he found at a truck stop with a wound on her foot.  She was in dire need of medical attention, but had no one to look after her.  Barney transported her to the hospital, paid for her treatment, and left money there for her care.  A true Good Samaritan.

I heard Barney say one time:  "It doesn't take a lot of brains to be an over-the-road truck driver.  And there certainly isn't a great deal of satisfaction in it.  So I have decided that it is my goal each day to make one person smile, to make one person's day better."  So, when he would enter a restaurant or truck stop cafe, he would look around to see which waitress was having a bad day.  Then he would sit at her table and try to cheer her up.  The first thing he would notice when she came to the table was the size of her ring finger.  Then he would proceed to fold a dollar bill into a ring the exact size to fit her.  When he presented her with the ring, inevitably it brought a smile to her face.  If all the people to whom Barney had given a ring over the years were to be here today, I venture to say that we could not begin to fit them into this church.

Barney has two sisters:  Annette and Janella.  He would tell each of them that she was his favorite sister.  And he was right.  Because Barney had the wonderful gift of making each person that he was with feel like they were the most important person in the world, his favorite person.  I know that I am his favorite brother-in-law.  And so is Jim.

All this Barney did with an attitude of gratitude.  He lived with a grateful heart.  His example throughout life was a constant reminder to all of us that while we have no control over the hand that life deals us, we do have control over how we play that hand.  Barney played the hand dealt to him with joy and gratitude, never complaining but always rejoicing in his blessings.  Those of us fortunate enough to have been around him during his last months of life experienced a man continually thanking God for the opportunity to have his family around him as together they prepared for his death.

Barney did not die a millionaire.  But he did die a wealthy man.  For he was rich in the relationships that were the fruit of his life of connecting.  Those relationships he takes with him while at the same time remaining connected in all our hearts.

Now he is reconnecting with his dad, Gerald, his brother, Mike, his in-laws, Bruce and Evelyn, and all the other relatives and friends that have gone before him.  Now he is Barney the Reconnector.

I look forward to the day that Barney can reconnect me to Gerald, Mike, even to my own Dad and my brother Jim.  I am sure that when that day comes, I will still be his favorite.

People Connect

Recently I connected once again with a high school classmate with whom I had lost contact for many years. We grew up near one another, went all through grade and high school together, and then went our separate ways. It was good to compare notes, see how our lives had changed, and how they had remained the same over the years.

I find that as I move into my "senior years", I want to re-establish relationships with people from my past life. This is especially true of people who played some kind of significant role in my life at a former stage. It's as though there is "unfinished business" that requires completion, as though the circle must be fully drawn.

This in turn brings me back to the realization, which I've reflected on in a previous pondering, that all we really have in life are the relationships we've formed. Since, as the saying goes, "There are no uhauls behind the hearse", we can take nothing out of this life except the people we carry in our hearts.

So what more important thing are you doing today than building, patching up and strengthening the connections with the people in your life?

Relationships Are Forever

Through the years I have been in many positions of leadership where I was responsible for building something. As a pastor I worked to build a Christian community in the parishes I served; as an educator I tried to build a community of learning and growth in the schools I was a part of; as a nursing home administrator I labored to create a caring family among the staff in order to serve the residents and their families. All of this was a labor of love, and one which was very gratifying at the time in spite of the obstacles that were a part of the picture.

However, what I found to be very difficult was that so often, when I left the scene and moved on to another field of service, my successor(s) would undo much of what I felt I had accomplished. They would bring their own leadership styles, insights, judgments and plans to the situation which led many times to, what seemed to me, tearing down much of the good that I had accomplished. This was very frustrating for me for a long time.

Then, after a while, I came to realize that from each situation I had come away with unique and treasured relationships which no one but I could destroy. These connections to special people transcended any locale, any distance, any occupation or preoccupation that we were involved in. These friendships were God-given, God-blessed, and were untouchable by those who came after me. These relationships are timeless and will endure forever.

One of those special people who came across my path was Fr Darrell Rupiper, OMI. My Love and I had the good fortune to meet him when he came to our parish in Pharr, Texas, several years ago for a mission/retreat on respecting the earth as God's gift to us. He was truly a man of God who spoke the truth both in season and out. He graced our home on two occasions and we shared faith, food and refreshments as we enjoyed one another's company.

Fr Darrell died February 10 and we rejoice that he is now sharing in the Great Gathering of Friends and Family that awaits us all. You can see some of his own reflections on his journey through illness, and pictures by going to his last web page on CaringBridge.org. He will be missed by many, but he is still connected to all of us whose lives he touched. Relationships are forever.

Therefore, in the last few years, I have focused more energy on building relationships, rather than completing projects. Projects will come and go, but the relationships will endure into the next life. Only the hearts that I have touched, and those that I have let touch mine will survive the power of death. Only relationships last forever.