C Is For Control!

My Love made it home safely -- but not until Saturday afternoon. She decided to take the opportunity, while traveling through eastern Iowa, to visit an elderly friend in Cedar Falls, and then a cousin in northern Iowa. Although her arrival was delayed, it was sweet nonetheless.

To celebrate our wedding anniversary on Sunday, we had some tentative plans to relax together, and then perhaps go out for an evening meal at a restaurant. However, around 11 am, we received a phone call from My Love's Mother saying that Dad needed a little extra attention and care since he was struggling with some confusion. So we went immediately and spent the day and evening with them, taking them for an outing, watching a movie and playing some games. It was a time of loving togetherness which turned out to be a blessing as we begin our 14th year of wedded bliss. Perhaps this is a foretaste of things to come.

Throughout the weekend, I found myself confronted again with my old nemesis: CONTROL. Time and time again in my life, through differing circumstances, God has brought me face to face with the primary issue in my spiritual journey -- Who is in charge here? While I frequently fool myself into believing that I hold the reins, never am I allowed to live with that misconception for any great length of time. God's loving hand on my shoulder gently taps, or sometimes lovingly slugs me to remind me of the truth: God is God, I am not! While at the time I do not always enjoy the call back to reality, in the end I am grateful that God does not let me wander too far from God's presence.

What is the primary spiritual issue that you have to deal with over and over again in your life? Do you see how God uses that to draw you closer into the Divine Presence? Do you accept it?

Bicycle Brakes

I was ten years old when I got my first bicycle, a sleek red beauty that went faster than the wind (or so I thought at that time). My parents had allowed me to pick out the bike I wanted from Montgomery Wards, but they also required that I earn the money first to pay for it. It was a lesson that still serves me well today.

One of the first things that I did after I brought the red beauty home was to turn it upside down, take the back wheel off, and disassemble the brake system. I wanted to know how it worked. So the simplest method was to take it apart, then put it back together again. From that point on, I was able to service the bike whenever it needed it.

At each stage of my life, I see the same desire to understand the inner workings of whatever organization, system, business or association with which I became connected. In college I became part of the Student Council, not as an elected representative, but as the parliamentarian -- the one behind the scenes who guided and even helped to control the workings of the body.

Later on, as a pastor, I wanted/needed to be "on top of" what was going on in the parish. Whether through the Parish Council, the School Board, the Liturgy Committee or any other organization, I wanted to keep tabs on what was happening. This was probably as much a control issue for me as it was a desire to be helpful and serve the needs of the people.

When I moved into the role of nursing home administrator, it was key for me to understand the functioning of all departments within the institution. My job description assigned me, and the law held me responsible for the total welfare of the people left in my care. This was a 24-hour per day, 365 days per year ministry which was confirmed by my administrator's license hanging on the wall. I took it seriously.

As I grow older, I find myself less able to understand everything, and certainly unable to control all things. Slowly I am coming to accept the reality that there is only One who understands everything, the same One who controls all things. Even more humbling is the realization that were I to purchase a new bicycle today, I probably would not be able to take apart and put back together the brake system.

To Worry or Not To Worry

Yesterday I received an email from a dear friend with the following questions:

"I would like to know your opinion , what is your feeling when something really worries you?

How do you let go? What do people do, to leave the baggage at the feet of Jesus or in the hands of God? I hear friends say "Let go and let God." How do I let go of the worry and not take it back?"

These are questions that deal with two different issues with which we all struggle from time to time. The most basic of issues involved are: Trust, and Control. Can I REALLY trust that God is in charge of my life? Can I REALLY trust that God has my best interest at heart? Can I truly believe that, as St Paul says: "Everything works together for good for those who love God, those whom God has chosen according to His own purposes" (Romans 8:28)? Or do I need to keep one hand on the steering wheel just in case God doesn't go in the right direction? It is one thing to SAY that I believe that God wants only good for me, and quite another to let the reality settle from my head down into my heart, my stomach, my gut where the worrying takes place.

The second issue of Control touches on something so deep within us that many times we are not even aware of it. Who/what is in control of my life? Who/what do I allow to "call the shots" for me? Do I say that I have surrendered my life to God, to Jesus? Do I allow God's plan to unfold even when I don't like it? Or do I feel that I must control my own destiny? It is relatively easy to "Let go and Let God" when things are going the way that I want them to go. But when others do not act according MY plan, and things in my life are messed up, then I have more difficulty in letting go.

Someone once told me that "Worry is a down payment on a future event that probably won't happen." It set me to thinking about how much energy I waste when I worry, energy that could be more constructively used in living in the present, dealing with current issues, enjoying present pleasures, instead of focusing on tomorrow.

So, how do I "Let go and let God"? I do it moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day. It is never done once and for all. I let go of something with one hand, only to take it back with the other, only to let go of it once again. It seems that the more quickly I let go of something, the more readily I'm able to let go of it the next time I find that I have taken it back. Important for me is not to hang on to anything too long. As soon as I realize that I have taken it back, I need to turn right around and place it into the loving hands of God once again. This pattern repeats itself over and over. Is it easy? No! But it does seem to become easier the more often I do it.

As a side note, I find that the support of a loving faith community provides a huge assist in letting go. The sooner that I share my worry/concern with another in faith, the quicker and easier it becomes to release it into God's hands. By opening my worried heart to another, I let in the healing Spirit of God that deepens my Trust and helps me to surrender my Control to God who wants to make "everything work together for good". This is truly a case of "practice makes perfect", but with the realization that it will never be finished until I leave this life.

For a beautiful reflection on this issue of worry, go to the blog of my niece, Gitzen Girl. Just click on that link to be blessed by her experience and the experience of many of her followers. We all struggle with the same questions in different circumstances, and different ways.