The Hurrier I Go, The Behinder I Get!

When I was growing up, I spent a few summers with my uncles on the farm. It was a time that I recall with fondness, fun, reaching out and trying new things.

One of the memories I have is of my Uncle Melvin quoting to me: "The hurrier I go, the behinder I get!" It was his way of saying, "Haste makes waste". And many times throughout my life I have learned the truth in that simple statement.

Yesterday, after going to Des Moines the day before to take a class on Credit Insurance, I drove to Sioux City early in the morning to take a test for my Credit Insurance license. This is a requirement for the job that I have as the Finance & Insurance Manager at the Ford dealership in nearby Cherokee. While it was stressful only in the sense that it pushed my endurance with all the traveling, I found it to be a challenge because it gave me the opportunity to learn something new.

However, as I was taking the test on the computer (50 questions in one hour time), I found myself needing to slow down, think about what I was doing, and take the time necessary to figure out the correct answers. I kept repeating: "The hurrier I go, the behinder I get!" I know my natural tendency to rush through things, and this way I was able to deal with my own impatience. In the end, I finished the test in about 35 minutes and achieved a 94%.

Yet how often do I not take the necessary time to listen to someone? How often do I rush through a situation and not appreciate each moment and each person that I am dealing with? How often do I miss the richness of the NOW because I am hurrying to get to the more important NEXT?

This Lenten season is a great opportunity to STOP, LOOK and LISTEN once again to the Lord who is present ONLY in the now. Otherwise, I will learn again Melvin's truth: "The hurrier I go, the behinder I get."

Lent Happens!

Today is Ash Wednesday, the end of Mardi Gras, and the beginning of Lent. It begins the traditional season of penance in preparation for the upcoming season of Easter when we welcome the New Life of the Resurrection.

For some people, this is the season of resolutions, much like the beginning of the New Year. This is the time to give up things (candy, desserts, extra helpings at dinner -- maybe with the underlying motivation to loose some undesired weight--or maybe some bad habits, unkind thoughts, temper tantrums or whatever else we can think of).

For others, it may be a time to add some extra things to our lives, like visiting someone who is a shut-in, stopping at the nursing home to say hello to a friend, picking up groceries for a neighbor. All these are good things, and can have a beneficial effect upon our lives by helping us to overcome the self-centeredness that we all struggle with.

However, for me, LENT IS SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS TO ME. In my experience, I have gained more, grown more and been transformed more when I have welcomed each day, each person, each situation and each circumstance with open arms and an open heart. In this way, I have found that I am more ready to recognize, acknowledge and accept the God who is among us both in myself and in others. I don't need to sit down and try to figure out what I'm going to DO this Lent. I don't have to set up MY plan for Lent. I simply need to open myself to God's plan each day as it unfolds before me. Most of the time, God surprises me. And in these surprises I am challenged, stretched and transformed.

All I need to DO is Let God Be God, and Let Lent Happen.

"Here I Am And Nowhere Else"

This past weekend, My Love and I traveled to Omaha to visit with Marilyn, a member of our morning Bible Study from Idaho, who has been visiting her daughter and family. What a tremendous gift it was to spend time together, to share meals, fun and relaxation.

But the highlight of the weekend was the attendance on Friday evening at the lecture by Mark Gilbert and the ensuing visit to his art exhibit entitled "Here I Am and Nowhere Else" at the Bemis Center for Contemporary Arts on Saturday. Mark Gilbert is a Scottish artist who has worked with the Medical Center at the University of Nebraska-Omaha to complete a collection of sketches, paintings, woodcuts and other pieces, many life-size, of people dealing with illness, dying, healing and birth. This intersection of medicine and art has been an attempt to humanize the struggle that people find themselves in when living through circumstances that very often can be dehumanizing as well as discouraging and disheartening for both patients and their caregivers.

For me, it was a deeply touching and profoundly moving experience. As I viewed the various sketches and paintings, I came to several realizations. First of all, life is very, very fragile. The line between health and sickness can be crossed very suddenly at any age. Life can be turned upside down in a moment, and the best laid plans can be thrown aside with no forewarning. This certainly is a reminder of Who is in Charge of our lives at all times -- and it isn't me!

Secondly, the line between patient and caregiver is very often blurred. We are all caregivers at various times in our lives for others. We are also all in need of care from time to time. Sometimes these two callings overlap at the same time, or even in the same relationship. This is especially difficult for me because I find it much easier to give than to receive. This is partly true because when I am giving, when I am in the role of caregiver, I can at least feel like I am more in control than when I am on the passive, receiving end.

The third insight was the resiliency of people. The paintings and sketches of both patients and caregivers manifested the indomitable spirit that shined through in even the most seemingly hopeless situations. People confronted with terminal illnesses who refused to give up, refused to become their illness, but instead maintained their personhood, their personalities and their perspectives. This strength of spirit was evident in children, young adults and elderly people. In each case, they seemed to rise to the occasion presented by their illness, and even if they died as a result of it, they rose above it, conquered it and survived.

I have come away from this weekend with a greater desire to live life in its fullness each day, and day by day because we never know what tomorrow can bring. If I live life to the fullest today, and each day, then I will never have regrets at some future date. I also will not be plagued with worries about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself.

Finally, I find a need to be more gentle with others. Every person that I meet each day is also walking this tightrope between sickness and health, caregiver and patient, victim and survivor. Each one is somewhere on the spectrum of life-death whether he/she realizes it or not. By being more sensitive and gentle, I can afford them the opportunity of engaging their own humanity and living more fully their own journey.

What a blessing and a gift this past weekend has been! To cut through all the "stuff" of everyday life and get to the basics of life and death makes each moment more precious, and each person more valuable. Would that I could remain in this consciousness each day.

Love Is A Choice!

Today she said "Yes!" That makes it doubly special for today is My Love's birthday. Today we celebrate the gift of life that she is to the world, to her family, but especially to me. Because of her great generosity of spirit many people have been blessed, and continue to be blessed. I admire her as she spends herself for her parents now, just as she did for her uncle and aunt in Texas and many others. Such self-giving is a constant challenge to me, forcing me to face up to the sometimes selfish tendencies that surface in my own relationships.

You can send her a birthday email at ron_franklreicks@hotmail.com. She would be more than happy to receive your greetings, your thoughts, your prayers as she celebrates with the rest of her family here in Cherokee.

As I said, I am doubly blessed this day. For almost 13 years now, My Love has responded with a "Yes" each morning when I have asked if she would be my wife for another day. Each day she has again chosen to walk with me in love and that choice has fashioned us both down through the years. As we celebrate her gift of life, I rejoice in the daily challenge and opportunity that we share to move outside ourselves as we make the choice to love. And I thank God for the gift that she is to me.

Power: Who Holds It For You?

As a junior and senior in high school, I was blessed to have Sister Margaret Mary for English, speech and drama. She taught me everything I know about public speaking and helped me find a presence and style that has served me even to this day. What is amazing is that I can't really remember anything specific that she did or said, but it was just her belief in me that I could do it and be successful at it that made the difference. Since that time, whenever I have been in a public speaking venue, I have been comfortable and fairly effective.

This all came back to me when a friend recently quoted a definition of "power" to me. She said: "Power is the ability to define reality in a certain way, and have others accept that definition as their own." (I wish I knew where this definition comes from so I could give proper credit.) This power can be either a positive or a negative experience.

When that power is exercised for evil, it can lead to horrendous atrocities, for example as in the case of Adolph Hitler defining the Jews as the cause of all problems and needing to be eradicated. His definition was accepted as their own by enough of his followers to eliminate 5 million people.

Imagine the parents or teachers who say to children in either words or actions: "You are no good. You'll never amount to anything!" We know what power that definition of reality has upon those kids as they internalize it as their own. They grow up with very negative images of themselves. We've all seen examples of these troubled individuals behaving according to the definition they've been given.

On the other hand, when someone like Sister Margaret Mary defines me, sees me as successful, and helps me to see that also, she exercises a power that has a tremendously positive influence. With such a definition of myself, there is no limit to the possibilities in my life. I am comfortable in my own skin, and not afraid to step out into the unknown because the possibility of failure does not prevent me from growing.

Then take it one step further. If my definition of reality comes from the Scriptures, from God's Word to me, I realize that I am loved with a Divine Love, just as I am. "I have loved you with an everlasting love. You are mine." (Jer 31:3) When I internalize God's definition of me as Beloved, when I give God power in my life by accepting the Divine reality, then my whole perspective on life changes and I become truly free. This exercise of power brings forth life for me and for others.

By whose definition of reality are you living? To whom have you given the power to define your world, your person?

Relationships Are Forever

Through the years I have been in many positions of leadership where I was responsible for building something. As a pastor I worked to build a Christian community in the parishes I served; as an educator I tried to build a community of learning and growth in the schools I was a part of; as a nursing home administrator I labored to create a caring family among the staff in order to serve the residents and their families. All of this was a labor of love, and one which was very gratifying at the time in spite of the obstacles that were a part of the picture.

However, what I found to be very difficult was that so often, when I left the scene and moved on to another field of service, my successor(s) would undo much of what I felt I had accomplished. They would bring their own leadership styles, insights, judgments and plans to the situation which led many times to, what seemed to me, tearing down much of the good that I had accomplished. This was very frustrating for me for a long time.

Then, after a while, I came to realize that from each situation I had come away with unique and treasured relationships which no one but I could destroy. These connections to special people transcended any locale, any distance, any occupation or preoccupation that we were involved in. These friendships were God-given, God-blessed, and were untouchable by those who came after me. These relationships are timeless and will endure forever.

One of those special people who came across my path was Fr Darrell Rupiper, OMI. My Love and I had the good fortune to meet him when he came to our parish in Pharr, Texas, several years ago for a mission/retreat on respecting the earth as God's gift to us. He was truly a man of God who spoke the truth both in season and out. He graced our home on two occasions and we shared faith, food and refreshments as we enjoyed one another's company.

Fr Darrell died February 10 and we rejoice that he is now sharing in the Great Gathering of Friends and Family that awaits us all. You can see some of his own reflections on his journey through illness, and pictures by going to his last web page on CaringBridge.org. He will be missed by many, but he is still connected to all of us whose lives he touched. Relationships are forever.

Therefore, in the last few years, I have focused more energy on building relationships, rather than completing projects. Projects will come and go, but the relationships will endure into the next life. Only the hearts that I have touched, and those that I have let touch mine will survive the power of death. Only relationships last forever.

Learn a New Language

As a priest for 28 years, I had the wonderful opportunity to travel in several countries in Africa, India, Philippines, Germany and Bolivia. In the process of giving retreats and leading meetings for native clergy, my world expanded and I was stretched both emotionally and spiritually. Throughout it all, I had a hunger and longing to learn a second language besides my native English. I was very conscious of the subtle pride and egoism that exist in our culture that expect other people in the world to learn English, when we are unwilling to embrace their native tongues.

So, I always tried to learn some basic words and phrases in each country that I visited. Basic things like: "Hello." "Good Morning." "How are you?" "Thank you." "Where is the bathroom?" Sometimes I was more successful than others. Finally, I was gifted with the opportunity to attend language school in Cochabamba, Bolivia, where I built a foundation for speaking Spanish.

However, the most important realization I came to through all this experience is that if I just tried to speak a few words in the other's language, they were always most appreciative. No matter how stumbling my attempts might be, the mere fact of trying showed them that I respected them, valued them, and honored their culture. Then they were ready to accept me and share their life with me.

This set me wondering: Do you suppose that God is like that? Do you suppose that if I even make the most stumbling attempt to pray, to communicate with God, that God will honor that effort? I don't need to have the language of prayer down perfectly. I merely need to display my effort to honor, respect and value my relationship with God. Then God's response to me will be overwhelming and God will share the Divine Life with me. Wow, what a realization!

Comments Are Possible!

Some of you are still having difficulty in posting comments. (I'm excited that you actually want to respond with your own thoughts, reflections, questions or musings as follow-up to my musings!) Therefore, I want to put down the simple (?) steps to posting your comments.

If you look at the bottom of this post, you will find where it tells you how many comments there are. Click on the word "Comments" and you will find yourself at the Comment page.

There you will also find a box in which you can write your comment. The length is not limited, so you can make a short, or a long reflection.

Immediately below that box it says: "Choose an Identity." I think that this is the point that some of you are becoming confused. The easiest way is to click on Name/URL. When you click on this, a little box will appear that allows you to type in your name (first name, nickname, whatever you wish). You can then leave the URL box blank. Click on the "Continue" button.

Then, the last step is to hit the "Publish Your Comment" button and your comment will appear at the bottom of the page.

I thank you in advance for sharing your reactions to my musings. It has already been a blessing for me putting these thoughts together and seeing the response of others to my Random Musings.

Mother of All Mothers

My mother will be celebrating her 91st birthday tomorrow, Feb 11. So this past Sunday, My Love and I gathered with my brother, Allan, and Cousin Art and his wife, Irma at my mother's home for dinner and partying. Besides good food and fun games, we did some reminiscing (of course, what are birthdays for if not to remember!?).

Even though my Mom is completing 91 years, she is a young 75. For the past 30 years she has been visiting the "old" people in the nursing homes, taking communion to them, helping them out to the Masses that are celebrated frequently by different retired priests and just bringing a bit of joy into their lives. She also belongs to a Senior Citizen Singing group that visits the nursing homes, retirement centers and assisted living homes to sing all the old time songs. They have also performed at the Iowa State Fair for several years.

She is truly a woman of faith. When my father, her husband, died very suddenly of a heart attack nearly 38 years ago, she was left with my two youngest sisters still at home, one in 8th grade, one a senior in high school. Two days after the funeral, I remember sitting with her at the kitchen table, reflecting on the whole situation. She said two things that have stuck with me over the years. At one point, she said: "I know that he is better off, and so I couldn't wish him back." Then, a short time later she said: "I don't know how people handle something like this without faith." She has always been a rock of faith for all of us in our family.

But she also has a realistic sense of humor. Because I am the oldest child, I of course have not forgotten her comment many years ago: "Raising children should be like breaking in a waffle iron. You should be able to throw the first one away!" Assuredly she would have missed out on a lot of fun, but maybe she wouldn't have quite as many gray hairs!

As we celebrate her gift of life this week, I salute her, honor her and love her for the pillar of faith, love and trust that she has been for all of us. Every family should be so blessed.

Positive Energy

When I was a child, there was a comic strip called "Lil Abner". (Now I'm really dating myself!) Anyway, there was a character in this comic called Joe Btfsplk (pronounced by putting your tongue between your teeth and blowing out). He always appeared with a little rain cloud over his head, and rain drops falling on him, even when others were enjoying a sunny day.

In the last six months or more, I've been reflecting on how many times I have met Joe in folks around me. Have you noticed how many people choose to always live in negative energy? How they choose to live their life under a cloud? I'm not talking about just seeing the glass as half empty instead of half full. It's more than that. "Sure is a beautiful day today." "Yes, but it's supposed to get colder tomorrow!" They define themselves by what they are against rather than what they are for. They seem to be constantly pushing back against something/someone. If they don't have some cause to be against, they don't know what to do with themselves.

I have learned, perhaps as I get older, that I have a limited amount of energy to expend, both physically, emotionally, psychically and spiritually. I no longer have the luxury of letting it drain off through negative thinking, negative speaking, negative actions.

This became especially clear for me during the recent elections. I made a conscious choice not to plug into all the negative energy that was being manifest through the negative ads, negative emails, negative campaigning and negative speaking. Regardless of party affiliation or candidate support, there was enough of it to go around. Yet, I decided not to plug into it, and it was a wonderful experience of freedom that I felt.

This is not the same as ignoring reality, or refusing to look at issues. Rather, it is choosing to adopt a positive stance toward life in the belief that God is in charge. With that belief, not even a hurricane can park a cloud over my head and rain on me. This is another way of Choosing Life for me.

Is your life characterized by positive or negative energy?

Truth Speaker

Many years ago I made a retreat during which the Retreat Master posed a question which has stuck with me. He asked: "Who do you have in your life who is a truth speaker for you?" That is, who is there who will tell the truth, even when it is inconvenient, unpleasant or unwanted. To have one such person, or even two or three people who will love me enough to not let me hide from the pain of reality is to be truly gifted.

Fortunately I have, down through the years, been blessed with at least one such person who cared enough to speak the truth that I needed to face at any given time.

For the last 3 years, I have been able to be a part of a Bible study/faith sharing group. We meet every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday morning from 7:15-7:45 am on the phone. Yes, that's right. Three of us couples have a conference call four days a week. We have a Leadership Bible with a study guide in it that we follow which provides us with the format and focus to share our faith. Gail and Marilyn, John and Clar, and My Love and I have found this focused time of sharing to be a great help in keeping us on track and growing in our faith, our friendships, our families, and our lives in general.

Without this group, I don't know how My Love and I would have been able to remain at peace and know which direction to go when we were confronted with Hurricane Dolly this past July. The prayers, support and love we experienced as we met together each morning kept us tuned into the love and faithfulness of God while everything around us was in turmoil. They spoke the truth that we needed to hear in that tumultuous time.

They have also been the instrument for speaking the hard truths that we have needed to face over the years, calling us out of our selfishness and egoism to give ourselves for others. What a gift they have been in my life, and how grateful I am to them for their faithfulness and challenge to live life to the full.

Who is the truth speaker in your life?